Weelll It's Kinda Sorta Karma
by skyhunter7Ramoth
Summary: Sanctuary is airborne. The Vault Hunters make their way through the Fridge... where the resident ninja-assassin makes a detour (like many side-questing BL2 players) to the infamous Fink's Slaughterhouse. On my Zer0 run-through, I ended up killing myself or resetting my game 30 times from ******* glitch. Then I went 5 rounds. Here's the brain-child of my misery. BTW some cursing.


"I require assistance / Axton, answer your Echo / It's Zer0 calling."

Axton straightened his back at the staticky call. The group hadn't heard from Zer0 since they'd gotten to the Fridge… and they weren't a little too pissed about it either. They'd got lost in the Rat Maze, and then they had to fight some guy called Smash-head, and then _another_ guy, a lunatic who called himself Rakkman. Yeah, they didn't have a fun time with him, because he was, _apparently_ , the local rakkhive of the Fridge. In either case, some sniping or backstabbing assistance would've been really helpful.

"Is that who I think it is?" he heard Maya shout from across their camp. She was tending to Krieg's multiple new gashes, or, as he calls them, 'love rashes,' before they could get infected. Even she had a thick bandage across one eye, her healing powers being exhausted for the moment.

"Yep," he responded, wondering if it would petty to not answer the call.

Maya stood, and placed a hand on her hip. "Well? Some explanations are in order."

"Hm." _Nah. Probably wouldn't be petty_. He hit the CONNECT button on his Echo. "Zer0?"

" _Thank any fool's god_."

"Where the hell are you?"

"I've been at Fink's Slaughterhouse / I'm fucking trapped here."

Axton and Maya exchanged a glance. Zer0 cursed plenty, but it wasn't often that you got to hear an F-bomb mixed up in his poetry.

"Bro, we said we were goin' to wait to go in there. We'd decided on completing the tournament together, _as a team_. Surprise, surprise, you disappear, like always, and do the exact opposite of what we all agreed on. Like. Always." He glared at Zer0's wavering Echo image. "Why won't you listen? After all we've been through-"

"Do. Not. _Chastise_. Me. / For _three hours_ I've been here / The doors won't _open_."

Axton frowned at Maya, and she returned it. If the alien-robot-cyborg-whatever-thing could ever sound angry, now would be the time.

Not that it made _them_ any less resentful.

Salvador walked up from behind and said into the Echo, "What, amigo? Not having enough fun killing dumbasses?"

Hell if Sal sounded miffed too.

"That's just the damn point / _There's no one in here to kill_ / I can't leave either."

"Hombre, that's terrible," Sal sympathized full-heartedly.

Axton almost rolled his eyes at Sal's immediate change of heart. "Whatever happened to your whole 'patience is a virtue thing', Mister 'Best-Assassin-In-The-Universe'?"

"Any patience spent / Without reward is nothing / But a waste of- Fuck!"

There was a crackling, and the line went dead.

"WHAT BEFELL THE DUNG MAN OF SHADOWS?" Krieg screeched, apparently listening in too.

"Um, should we be worried about that?" Maya asked.

"Naw, he's probably fine," Axton said, waving his hand dismissively. He turned around to see Gaige still in her little corner. "Oi, Gaige! We got news of Zer0!"

"That bastard can go screw himself!" she yelled back fitfully.

"Watch your language missy!"

"Tell him to screw _himself_!"

"I mean it, young lady! _Fuckin' A, girl_ -" There was a crackling, and his Echo status switched back to RECONNECTED.

"Zer0?"

A moment of silence passed. Then,

"Sorry about that / Reception here is awful / I'm pretty high right now."

Sal muttered, "Did he just admit to being high?"

Axton thought for a second. He opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Maya interjected, "No, I'm pretty sure he meant that he's high above the ground, to, you know, get reception. Obviously."

"Yeah," Axton agreed. "Alright, Zer0-"

Gaige appeared out of nowhere and snatched his Echo out of his hand.

"Since Ax won't say it, I will! _Go screw yourself, you bastard_! If you would've stuck around, like a _normal person_ , Deathtrap wouldn't be in pieces right now!"

…

"Gaige, that's my fault how? / I would not have protected / Deathtrap anyways."

"Oh, _shut up_! Don't reason with me-"

Axton yanked back his Echo. "That's enough from you," he snapped at the teen, then continued to rant at the assassin, "Do you know how far we've gotten away from Fink's by now? Do you know how long it's going to take us to circle back- while fighting re-spawned enemies at that!"

"Yes, I am aware," he acknowledged begrudgingly. "This was supposed to be quick / I would have caught up."

"There is no way out / I've tried everything I-"

Gaige took the Echo from his hands again. "What if we just leave you there, huh? HUH? What-"

"I swear," Axton glowered at her, taking it back again, "if you keep doing that-"

"If you leave me here / I shall murder all of you / When I do escape," was the assassin's cold response.

"Wow. He's pissed," Maya muttered.

"You can try pendejo," Salvador responded cheerily.

"HE BUTTERS MY BALLS BUT CANNOT CHEW THEM!"

Everyone was quiet for a second.

"Maya," Axton muttered, "do I even want to know what that means?"

"I think he's simply trying to say that Zer0 won't be able to kill him," she translated unsurely.

"Great- well-"

"I won't _kill_ kill you / You will respawn after / It's only payback."

"That's great Zer0," the commando snarked. "That makes us feel a lot better."

"Why don't you try killing yourself, like Axton does sometimes?" Gaige suggested haughtily.

" _Hey_ -"

"There's a New-U outside the arena, isn't there? It's so simple: kill yourself, respawn, and you're out. No biggie. That is unless you're too _cavalier_ to do that-"

"Okay, that's it," Axton suddenly shouted and pushed the girl away. "We're going to be talking later," he threatened, then connected the call to his headset and walked to the edge of their camp. The others let him be and Gaige stomped back to where Deathtrap back lay.

"You know that I can't. / I'll revive in the same place / If I kill myself."

"I know-"

"And now, Angel's gone / Having shown her true colors / I cannot be listed."

"Yeah, I know, you can't be on Hyperion's roster-"

"Axton, have I ever needed something like this before?"

Axton thought about that. "No, I guess you haven't. ETA 1 hour."

"Thank you."

DISCONNECTED.

"ALRIGHT EVERYBODY!" he announced. "We're headin' back!"

Krieg automatically started running back the way they came, almost running the commando over in the process.

"Thought as much," Maya responded smoothly, her stuff already at her feet.

"Aw," Sal whined, "I just unpacked."

"Do we have to go?" Gaige objected. "I mean, isn't it time for the selfish biatch to suffer from a little karma?"

"Come on Gaige," he tried to reason. "Can't the guy have one screw-up?"

"It's not as if we don't owe him," Maya joined in. "He's saved everyone's asses more times than anyone can count."

Salvador put a large hand on the moody teen's shoulder. "You'll fix Deathtrap in no time, hermana. Zer0's a bit more… eh…" he screwed up his face, "... _extraño_."

"That's one way to put it," Maya muttered.

The mechromancer sulked for a few more seconds before exclaiming, "Fine!" and stomping back to pack her things.

It took them a lot less time to get back than they thought it would. Only half of the enemies had respawned from the recent fight, and Krieg had already massacred a large portion of them before the rest of the group caught up with him.

Once they got to the slaughterhouse, it was easy to see what had caused Zer0's predicament:

Fink was asleep. And by asleep, he was dead asleep; completely sprawled over his console, drooling on the buttons. A crisp left hook from Axton was the first thing to wake him up after two minutes of nudging and loud noises.

"What? What you mean 'whysss the tournament ssstopped'? The ninja guy wasss blown up!"

"Does he," Salvador pointed out the box window to the gray form meditating on the center platform, "look blown up to you?"

Fink started and darted to the window.

"When d'he 'et there?"

"He's been there the whole time, moron," Axton grumbled, patience already worn thin. "Just let him out-"

"Ah, ah, ah," Gaige tutted, "I… have a _better_ idea." She turned to Fink with a wicked smile on her little face. "Why don't you run the rest of the rounds, hmm?"

Fink gulped nervously at the girl. "All five roundsss?"

"Yeah… all five rounds." She began to stalk around the five of them. "Come on guys. He has it coming, don't 'cha think?"

"Yeah," they all eventually agreed. (Krieg doing so by way of screaming, "BABYCAKES!").

So, Fink ran all five rounds.

But, it was not the punishment that Gaige thought it would be.

It was Zer0 going completely ballistic on every opponent with a terrifying, pent-up fury.

He used his sword more than any of them had ever seen him use it before. It wasn't that they'd doubted his abilities or anything, but usually, when they saw Zer0 do all of the fancy-schmancy stuff with his blade, Zer0 was hologram Zer0. Now, guns were his secondary weapons, and his sword was his primary, and his fellow vault hunters eagerly observed as he hacked and sliced through the hordes of opponents as if they were nothing. He flipped over enemies, disappeared to only stab them in the back, threw suicide psychos' grenades back at their friends. He seemed to teleport around the arena, fading in and out of existence only to stab his enemies into oblivion. He even launched himself at the buzzards nearing the end of the fifth round, putting his blade through a pilot's heart, then displacing the weight of the vehicle to crash into the other flying next to it.

It wasn't that Zer0 didn't use his guns at all; he just used them sparingly (he'd probably spent a good portion of his ammo shooting at the wall for hours, trying to get out). They watched as he used his shiny sniper rifles, then pistols, then assault rifles, then shotguns, then SMGs, and finally, his rocket launchers, all with astonishing precision and mastery (it was also pretty funny to see the slim-bean tote around two rocket launchers, one drawn, the other across his back, without any problem). When he was completely out of ammo, he 'became one with his sword.'

Meaning, he f**king assassinated every single person who crossed him.

His fellow vault hunters cheered him on from the spectating booth, enjoying his bloodbath with every ounce of their beings. They were no longer pissed at being inconvenienced; if anything, they were glad that their resident assassin had been trapped for so long that this was made possible.

After his victory, they greeted him with smiles when he walked into the reception. His head was high and he was completely covered with blood, though limping slightly. When Fink dared muttered to him, "If Moxxi wassn't making me do thisss, I'd kill you mysself," he straight up impaled the bandit in the gut before kicking him to the floor, ignoring the _Slag Rain_ that fell from his hands.

Then Zer0 turned to his comrades.

"Apologies, friends / I didn't mean to veer us / So far off of track."

Even while apologizing, he sounded downright giddy.

"Nah, man, anytime," Axton grinned.

"Pendejo, _that_ , was awesome."

"THE BLOOD MEATS SMILE UPON YOU."

"That was absolutely amazing, Zer0."

A :D briefly appeared on his visor. Then the blooded assassin turned to Gaige and tilted his head questioningly.

"We good?" he asked in his monotone.

"Oh... we're good Zer0," Gaige said softly (not at all intimidated after he massacred hundreds of bandits consecutively in a little less than an hour), "because you… you're a FUCKING BEAST- ow!"

"Are we going to have a problem?" Axton asked testily.

Gaige gave him a withering look. "You can't hit _girls_ , Ax!"

"Oh please," he scoffed, "you're no _girl_."

She growled at him, unable to deny the truth.

"If we are all good / Perhaps we should start moving / Let's kill some more stuff."

They all exited the slaughterhouse, leaving Fink to bleed out on his own. The others (including Krieg) didn't have to do a damn thing as they walked back to camp.

 ****BTW this version of Zer0 is of the Eridium-mutant-alien kind that also can regenerate itself/themselves somehow (it somehow became my head-cannon). Just think of him as Doctor Who. That regenerates not with a bang and a boom but a sizzle and while in stealth. Who is more violent. Waaay more violent. And murdery... Nevermind.****

 ****PLEASE leave comments and feedback.**

 **Thank you for reading.****


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